World Cup of Cars

After the reception the Car Ashes got, I'm interested in doing something similar again, but this time with the world cup. I've taken the draw from Russia and will use the same format. Of not is that Italy did not make it to this world cup, so brands such as Ferrari and Lamborghini are on the sidelines. USA also missed out, meaning no Chevys, Dodges and US Fords. So, let's begin!

Group A features Russia, Egypt, Uruguay and Saudi Arabia. The most notable car country is Russia with the Lada brand; despite their poor reliability, the other tree nations do not have many produced cars, so the Russians win the group with the Lada Riva. Egypt does have several car manufacturers but none are notable. However, Uruguay and Saudi Arabia have none at all, so the Egyptian MG Metro knockoff is enough for second place.

Group B features Spain, Portugal, Iran and Morocco. Spain's nominee is the audacious Tramontana, which easily wins the group. Iran obviously has the Paykan, the most fuel-thirsty four-cylinder car in history, whereas Portugal has the Vinci sports car and Morocco has the Laraki Fulgara. Portugal are clear last in this group, while the Paykan isn't as good as the Laraki so Morocco also qualifies.

Group C consists of France, Denmark, Australia and Peru. Peru needn't even show up, whereas the others are fiercely competitive. France's contribution, the iconic 2CV, easily wins the group. Australia's Holden Maloo and Denmark's Zenvo ST1 are the competitors for second, but whereas Zenvo is the only Danish car brand, Australia has several leading to their qualification.

Group D is made up of Croatia, Iceland, Argentina and Nigeria. Iceland don’t have a car so they finish bottom. Nigeria's Innoson Manufacturing doesn't hold a candle to the Rimac of Croatia or the Argentine knockoff Peugeot 505, however, Innoson design their cars by themselves, meaning they go through in second ahead of Argentina. Croatia easily win with any of the Rimac cars.

Group E's Brazil, Serbia, Switzerland and Costa Rica are not really the best known car nations, but BRazil has local arms of brands such as Fiat and GM producing their own cars. Switzerland have Rinspeed, Sbarro and Orca, but we'll choose the RInspeed Splash for this comparison. Serbia's Zastava 'Yugo' is no match whereas Costa Rica has no car at all. BRazil wins, Switzerland second just like the real World Cup.

Sweden, Mexico, South Korea and Germany make up the Group of Death, Group F. Germany are easy winners with the Porsche 911 in addidtion to VW, Audi, BMW, Mercedes other Porsches, Wiesmann etc. Etc. The rest are tight: South Korea have the Hyundai and Kia marques, Sweden have the Koenigsegg and also Volvos and Mexico have the Vuhl, and the Mastretta of Top Gear in-fame. It's a big coin toss, but we'll go with the real World Cup's highest placed team in F and pick Sweden. The other two can take condolence that they made it further than big automotive nations like China, USA and Italy.

Group G features Belgium, England, Tunisia and Panama and is quite an obvious group, with UK having the Mini, Belgium the Gillet, Tunisia the Wallyscar jeep-thing and Panama literally nothing. Belgium and England progress just like they did in real life.

Group H finishes us off with Japan, Colombia, Poland and Senegal. Japan obviously win, with a massive selection of cars. We'll select the Toyota Supra for this challenge. Poland have the FSM Niki, another Lada- and Yugo-esque bloc car, whereas Colombia and Senegal have nothing, contributing to Poland squeaking through.

In the ROund of 16s, the matches are as follows:

Russia vs Morocco

France vs Nigeria

Brazil vs Sweden

England vs Poland

Spain vs Egypt

Croatia vs Australia

Germany vs Switzerland

Japan vs Belgium

Russia play their trump card in this round, pulling out the bulletproof Lada Niva to squeak past the Laraki. France annihilate Nigeria with the Renaultsport Megan being used to destroy Innoson. In the third match, Brazil are narrowly defeated by Sweden, with the VW Fox missing out to the Volvo WTCC S60. England destroy the Niki, with the Land Rover III as the chosen car. Spain and Egypt play out a vaguely close but Spain-dominated game, with the GTA Spano winning over the Metro. A close game does finally arrive in the sixth game with the Rimac and the Ford Falcon GTHO fighting hard for the win. Ultimately, I have to hand this one to the Rimac although the GTHO is a fabulous car. Germany trounce the Sbarro of Switzerland with the BMW E30 M3 as weapon of choice, while Japan annihilate the Gillet with an absolutely amazing performance.

The QF draw, therefore is:

Russia vs France

Sweden vs England

Spain vs Croatia

Germany vs Japan.

Despite the best efforts of the Lada, France easily wins the first QF. Sweden's train of wins finally stops at the hands of the broad and renowned English industry, while in the third match the Rimac's brilliance is indeed rewarded with a place in the semi-finals. The final QF is quite the battle between Germany and Japan, but for me Germany just squeaks it with the variety in its industry between the Golf and the 911.

Germany beats Croatia quite easily, but the other semi-final is quite interesting and tantalising. In the end, I'll preference England due to more variety, with France mainly having Citroen, Renault, Peugeot and Bugatti whereas England have 10 or 11 marques.

The final is Germany vs England. This match is so close both in cars and in football that I decided to put the decision through Football Manager. The answer?

Germany are the winners of the Car World Cup!

Thanks for reading this article. Do you agree with it? Let me know in the comments!